The good news and the bad news? It’s just this. Just this ordinary body & mind. Just this life and the “empty phenomena rolling on.” Good because there is no where to go to be truly free. It’s all right here! Bad because what is here is everything, and that includes the deep unsatisfactoriness of life and the heart-wrenching delusion and suffering of others (and self). As a close friend of mine says, “awakening is a bittersweet affair.”
I wrote this after my last retreat. The word “ordinary” has never particularly struck me as useful, but now I find it a very helpful word to describe the results of contemplative inquiry. I’m also starting to understand more clearly why the term “just this” is used.
The climax of awakening (at least thus far) is anti-climactic. It’s kind of like building up to something, which is nothing, and then realizing that the build up wasn’t particularly necessary. Not saying the build up, anticipation, and longing are wrong, just that they don’t have much to do with the end of seeking–indeed they seem to be almost diametrically opposed to the realization of non-seeking. Ha! I guess it’s kind of funny, in some absurd way.
But really all of what I just said doesn’t really mean much. It’s smoke–billowing out of my mind and onto this blog–and it’s gone.
