I had an interesting dream a few nights ago, where I was attending a meditation retreat in the Shambhala tradition. The retreat was in some sort of large house with a lot of other folks (mostly younger). There were several rooms, including a large meditation hall, which ironically no one was using. Everyone was talking, socializing, and doing anything other than what one would expect on a meditation retreat: meditating. Eventually I went and sat in the meditation hall (by myself) and noticed that there were two men standing guard of a door connecting to the hall. I somehow knew that they were guarding the teacher interview room, and that I would eventually have an interview. So I sat meditating, waiting.
Suddenly I was in the room, sitting in front of a large jukebox looking radio set, which was connected to three teachers who were out to sea (don’t ask me…). So the teachers asked me if I had any questions for them, and I sat struggling trying to figure out what to ask. Everything that came to mind seemed irrelevant, and like all thoughts, was spontaneously released. As I sat there struggling to figure out a question to ask, and seeing that any possible question was irrelevant, several other students crowded behind me and started asking, what seemed at the time like, trivial questions. Their voices were whiny and their demeanors somewhat complacent. Still trying to see if there was any useful questions I could ask, and as the dream began to fade, I realized that I had no questions.
On Going Nowhere
Upon waking (no pun intended) I realized that indeed I don’t have any questions about the spiritual path. It all seems so radically obvious—though not in some way that makes me feel special for seeing it—that every moment of seeking, of wanting to know, of trying to find some final answer, is all the same. And it leads nowhere. Of course, it’s taken quite some time to come to this, and so I wouldn’t say it’s been here all the time, though the position of “non-seeking” of having no more questions, of having surrendered to reality, seems to be a very simple position to come to and inevitable when looking at how things have unfolded. I’m not claiming it is done though, just that at this point, there aren’t any questions.
That being said, if I were trying to learn certain meditative states (like the levels of shamatha that Alan Wallace teaches) I would definitely need to ask questions. So, I’m not saying that with all kinds of meditation practices I would have no questions, just that in the realm of “insight practice” it seems crystal clear what the practice is, and that the practice is doing itself.
Pomp & Circumstance
Another thing that I was left reflecting on, after the dream, was how much pomp and circumstance there seemed to be in the retreat center I was hanging out in. The gaurds who watched the door, the whiny students, and the far-removed teachers all seemed to contribute to an overall ethos of the spiritual path being something that is distant, only realized by a few, and something to be coveted rather than realized. Certainly I’ve seen some of this attitude and I think a big part of that comes from having poor models of awakening. The various models of enlightenment, that my friend and teacher Daniel Ingram talks about apply big time, and the more accurate, down-to-earth models people have the more empowered they are about practice, and the more humble and pragmatic they seem to be.
And actually, a synonym for “down-to-earth” is “matter-of-fact” and one of the things I appreciate most about having a model of enlightenment that only tries to understand enlightenment as the dissolution of the center-point and the end of falsely imputing duality in this conflux of causes and conditions, is that I can speak with a growing sense of confidence and matter-of-factness about what I’ve come to find out in this regard. I don’t have to pretend that I’m perfect in any way, that I’m a more loving person, have quit experiencing difficult emotions like fear and anger, or that the growing understanding of non-duality does anything particularly special to Vince and his human experience. Of course, I will have to deal with other people’s perceptions, but that’s ok, because their perceptions and misperceptions are all that is keeping them from realizing what I’ve come to know. And I’m willing to take the hits, and help spread a little more realism in a world where we all want to do away with one-half of our human experience. Me included.
